Blog 4 - Natasha Doty

Chapter 13 of Feminism is for Everybody examines feminist parenting, and calls to light female parents as transmitters of sexist thinking, violence and abuse against children by both males and females, and the importance of men parenting to build relationships with their children without the lessening of the mother's work or the role of the single female parent. Most importantly though, the chapter finishes by saying: "Children need to be raised in loving environments. Whenever domination is present love is lacking. Loving parents, be they single or coupled, gay or straight, headed by females or males, are more likely to raise healthy, happy children with sound self-esteem" (hooks, 2000, p. 77).

When thinking about what kinds of sexist thinking women are teaching our children, I think of ideas such as that the woman needs to dress up for the man to go on a date, and that women need to play hard to get to attract a suitor. Additionally, I think sexist thinking can be perpetuated by women who insist that they need a man to come over to fix things and do handiwork around the home. In order to change this thinking, women need to empower their children with the idea that they are capable of doing the work around the home, and that there is equality in the dating relationship. Parents also need to be aware of the outside influences they are exposing their children to. I do not think that for the most part all of these acts are intentional, but rather just ideas that have been perpetuated by society and the media. One example, though, where the female parent may purposefully teach her children sexist ideas is in order to use it to attack her former spouse or their ability as a parent.

Female parents, while less attention is called to it, also can abuse their children like their male counterparts. I think people, in part, have called so little attention to abuse by mothers because people see the mother as integral in the child's life. Also, since society views women as less aggressive to start, abuse by males may be more easily recognized. This video was shocking to me, and I had the perception that both the mother and father characters were going to hurt the child. Had they hit or shaken the child, it would be abuse, whether the abuse was done by a male or female. Did you guys know that Nebraska is a mandatory reporting state? You are required to report suspected child abuse in Nebraska, no matter who you are. 

Chapter 14 shifts from parenting to liberating marriage and partnership. It discusses women seeking equality in relationships through celibacy, lesbianism, or non-monogamous relationships, to name a few. It also talks about "peer relationships" being created through women having a purpose outside of raising a family.

I think whether to remain in a monogamous or non-monogamous relationship is a very personal decision. Whether or not for her husband and the lord, I think that it is good this model is striving to be a role model for her younger cousin, wanting her to see beauty from the inside. I don't think this is suppressing her sexual freedom and expression because she is the one making this decision, with the support of her husband. In regards to the reading, I see monogamy as a good thing by there being faith in the relationship, when both sides are monogamous. While the book may present non-monogamous relationships as providing a degree of freedom and equality for women, I think it can also destroy that through an increased risk of disease and the devaluing of oneself as a "good". The following video talks about the Muslim women's wearing of head scarves:

    (converttoIslaam, 2010)

In order to have a fulfilling marriage, I think the first step is getting to know the person you think you want to marry before you want to marry them. It seems like these days people are getting married so quickly after they meet someone, that I question whether they've really gotten to know them- the good and the bad. I think there should be fairly clear expectations of how you expect your relationship to run; there will be give and take in every relationship, and it is up to you whether you are willing to make those sacrifices. A fullfilling marriage, to me, would have caring, compassion, thoughtfulness, and trust, but at the same time you still need to be able to be an individual and be able to follow some of your own dreams.

If we are able to create more of these fulfilling marriages where equality occurs, we may have to worry less about the ideas presented such as the sexist thinking and being non-monogamous (whether in a same-sex or heterosexual relationship). 

hooks, b. (2000). Feminism is for everybody: Passionate politics.