Chapter 14 Question #2 Summary

bell hooks chapter 14 focuses largely in part on marriage and partnership and how our current culture and society has created an extremely sexist and biased portrayal of what these relationships should look like. One specific quote by bell hooks state, “ patriarchal male domination in marriage and partnerships has been the primary force creating breakups and divorces in our society.” (hooks, 2000, pg 84)  From this quote and the following presented in our question below, we pondered the meaning behind what our class as opinionated individuals would deem a successful relationship/marriage.

Bell hooks states, “Marriages built on a sexist foundation are likely to be deeply
troubled and rarely last” (hooks, 2000, pg 83). It’s clear that hooks believes
that traditional gender roles in marriage make for an unequal and dissatisfying
union, clarifying that her definition of sexism is equal or comparable to
patriarchy. It could be argued that hooks would disagree with a traditional
marriage. To bring to life an example of this let us take for instance a
stereotypical traditional marriage. The Catholic Church is known for this ‘sacred union’ between a husband and wife. Today, 50% of marriages end in divorce. We question what you suggest is the solution to a fulfilling marriage? Describe what you think this looks like and why it would be successful. Also, if you are able, describe a marriage that youwould consider ‘loving’ and ‘flourishing.’

 After looking at the responses to the questions there were common themes as well as variances in the responses. Many replied that an important aspect of marriage was successful communication as well as understanding one another’s “weaknesses and strengths.” There was a lot of discussion about how there has to be a “give and take equally” in a relationship and that every relationship goes through times of trial and fighting. One remark specifically stated, they (the couple) “ but heads just enough to compliment each other and keep each other sane. There was also a large emphasis in the remarks about really getting to know one another with an emphasis on knowing one another very well before marriage. Due to these responses one could potentially conclude that this is a reason for the prolonged rate at which couples choose to get married today. There were several responses that discussed the importance of being on the same page with your significant other as far as ‘core beliefs’ and values are concerned.  The aspects of “faith”, “God”, and “the Church” were also stated to be held at high importance within a marriage. 

In summation, the responses to question 14 were wonderful. The opinions and ideas of what could be defined as a successful marriage were varying and wide.  However, many stated that “acceptance”, “ understanding”, “patience”, and “honesty” were important attributes that should be present in relationships. It was very interesting as well to notice how not one person highlighted that a marriage needed to be either a man and a woman, two men, or two women. The importance of what defined a positive relationship was described as the qualities of that relationship first and foremost not sex of the persons involved.



bell hooks. (2000). Feminism is for everyone. Cambridge, MA: South End Press.